Monsters of MMA: Be Afraid… Be Very Afraid

Monsters of MMA

Monsters of MMA

Frankenstein’s Monster

Alistair Overeem
Built like a brick shithouse, patiently stalks his victims only to unleash a violent rage. Doesn’t hurt that he’s (allegedly) fueled by modern science either.

Evil Genius

Frank Mir
Initially, it appeared Frank Mir was either rolling the dice or stepping up like a boss by leaving the UFC to fight Daniel Cormier in Strikeforce. Suddenly, a wild injury appears and the fight is off as fast as it was on. I, for one, believe this head fake toward Strikeforce is part of a dastardly master plan to rule the earth with his iron socialist fist, and it has nothing to do with him realizing a hiatus from the UFC to fight an undefeated Olympic wrestler with great boxing is a horrendous idea.

The Mummy

Kazushi Sukuraba
Few men have taken so many beatings and lived to tell the tale. Fighting from the ancient days of MMA into the present, there’s a fairly decent chance he’s immortal. Having literally left body parts in the ring, it appears that there is no damage you can do to him that can’t be fixed with bandages.

The Succubus

Ronda Rousey
Using her womanly charms, Rousey has completely seduced a legion of basement-dwelling keyboard warriors (talking to you, UG). Little do they know that after she dispatches what’s left of the competition at 135 pounds, they’re next.

The Werewolf

Andrei Arlovski
Not to mix animalistic metaphors, but Andrei is one of the most notorious “bears” of MMA. Arlovsky has fought hairy chested and bearded as many times as he’s been clean shaven and bare chested. We can only assume that the fights he showed up to with the fur, there happened to be a full moon.

The Slender Man

Jon Jones
A mysterious monster from the new millennium, he came out of nowhere. He ends fights in a flash. Did he really TKO and tap out Shogun at the same time, or did I imagine that? Just when you think you know him, woosh, he’s gone, and suddenly a pay-per-view is canceled.

The Vampire

Dominick Cruz
Maybe there’s something to the widow’s peak digs that Urijah Faber regularly makes at Cruz. Maybe it’s because he’s as elusive as a cloud of bats in the cage. Regardless, it isn’t Cruz that should be concerned about sleeping in a coffin after his next fight.

The Zombie

Chan Sung Jung
No Halloween horror cast would be complete without a zombie. And this isn’t one of those lumbering Romero zombies, this one is fast. This one knocked out Mark Hominick in the blink of a jaunts eye and beat Dustin Poireer to the punch in a grueling and bloody (yum) 20-minute affair.

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