90% of all people suck! Ya I know I'm an optimist
I'm cheerful about 1 day a week which considering the state of affairs in the world today is pretty optimistic
After those last tweets I want to apologize to the English language
Interesting fact most thinks forrest griffin says are fact are complete poppycock
Interesting fact if you pour sofa or liquor on a plant it will die if you urinate on it it will thrive
Every now and again I realize that I really do have an IQ of 86 or 84 I can never remember
What one person living or dead do you most admire? Jack Burton
It's not that I love being drunk it's that I hate being sober. Lesson one from your new life coach
It's not I I love being drink it's just that I hate being sober.
Helpful life tip number 1 if things get real stressful just throw all your bills away they will resend the important ones again
I printed a Life Coach certificate off the internet so that makes it official
Spock would've kicked ass in the UFC
This one time I was dangerously close to giving a fuck
Automotive tip #27 if your car makes strange noises it simply means your radio is not loud enough
Are they still your friends if you don't like them?
Whenever people ask me who I think one the GSP V Hendrix fight... I tell them the truth I didn't see it
Hey@ScottDeYager is that new wolverine a movie or a workout series All I see in the Commercials is shirtless Hugh Jackmen
I have high hopes for the Oldboy remake by Spike Lee what's the verdict please no spoilers seriously
Happy thanks giving ?
If there's any one thing I'm grateful for it's all the people that I don't talk to that text me happy thanks giving!
I guess I'm safe cus I keep my cellphone in my purse
That was for you
Seriously who the fuck puts a used q-tip back in the box ?
I guess the NFL is now flag football?
I will do more later right now I have to go parent my child
So did the Nobel committee mean to be ironic when they gave President Obama the peace prize?
So when they put pottery class in highschool they meant for it to be a how to build a bong class?
Seriously I'll bet
beards get frisked at airport security checkpoints
Whenever someone you don't like asks you where your from always say "my momas pussy why... You been there" Great conversation unstarter
I don't always drink beer but at least I'm trying
You know you don't cook much when your wife feels the need to remind you to use pot holders when taking hot things out of the oven
After finding out how inhumanely Uggs are made I can never eat another pair. I just hope no animals are abused in the making of crocs
Oh it's not for me
So is there a website where you can find the place nearest to you to get free or low cost HIV testing should somebody make one if there's no
But unfortunately he died of Aids. Or from Aids. Whichever is grammatical correct.
If Easy E was alive today he'd tweet" don't retweet me boy cus I ain't said shit"
I can't tell from the commercials but is Viagra for do it yourself home projects. There always fixing something in the commercials.
Meet me at the
#HallofFamePokerGame tonight at
Rumor has it there’s some tickets to UFC 167 up for grabs!”
Join me at the poker table November 15th at
The two guys with the best beards Roy Nelson/ johny Hendricks also have the best chance chins coincidence I think not
Hey but for real if there is a Sasquatch he don't wanna found so leave him the fuck alone.
I want to Thank everyone at fort Campbell for taking great care of the UFC crew. It's truly been the experience of a life time
Dn I sure do hope I spelled blocked right
If you've ever won a bet with yourself you should look into getting some fucking friends
If you've never shit blood your not living life to the fullest/ fact
When ever I find a random pill laying around I assume its gods way of telling me I need more of whatever it is & quickly take it
Remember when people used to say "hold the phone" what did that even mean?
Real quick what are your thoughts on horse tranquilizers? Best drug ever or only on special occasions?
did no one else notice it took like 7 seasons to get to Dexter the dead beat dad?
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