Your life's a joke and not a funny one. #seniorquote they wouldn't let me use
Die hard is the best Christmas movie ever. !
Did you know that
FREE #UFCLegends update featuring
is NOW Available? Oh you did well nevermind
has one of the best offensive guards I seen in a long time, attempted a fly armbar what
Your move HOV lane
I didn't have my daily serving of vodka last night so today's turning into a disaster... And I have bad breath
Also if your going to the doctor to get your knee looked at dont wear tight jeans. Im stupider then usually this morning which is impressive
Shampoo does not, I repeat Does Not make an acceptable substitute when you run out of toothpaste... No shit Sherlock did I really think...
A glass of vodka a day keeps morning breath away. It's just science
Pro health tip: if you drink a glass of vodka before bed you don't have to brush your teeth.
Don't stress about how to be a good dad just watch Mr Mom and you pretty much got it covered; real talk Michael Keaton
Most people don't know this but later in life Rudolph the reindeer became a real arrogant prick always on about how he saved Christmas
Paint chips taste horrible but they do have a nice texture and finish //cus I'll bet you were wondering
Oh & I've been eating a shit ton of junk food but the self hate & guilt doesn't allow me to enjoy it
This is what I've been up to
I was having a pretty good day but then I this in the mail and it got pretty Fuxking awesome
Judging from the #TheTimeIsNow presser I feel very optimistic about UFC Fashion sense moving forward
In highschool I kissed with my eyes open until a girl asked me what the fuxk I was looking at
Bathroom fans don't make it stink any less they just kinda say hey you don't wanna come on here right now
So a little FYI kombucha with vodka is actually pretty good
I feel like
should have told me die Antwerp were in a movie ??
So I've been a good parent for 3 years so what like 2 more and I can tapper down to not horrible ???
A fight gear company that's gives a shit about things? Check out
People keep telling me I'm real; I have no idea what the fuck that means but people say it likes it's a good thing so fuck it
90-93 sports cards in my patents trash if any other weirdos want them
Ah my misspent youth
Halloween costume... Jehovah's witness... Cus they don't dress up get it?
Great job on the ranking report
strong move callin out Brock haha lol
I'll be in Georgia for 2 weeks. Come see me
Oct 25th for their Open House. Register at
24th Annual Las Vegas Police K-9 Trials. Sunday, Oct. 19th from 8-5 at The Orleans Arena. Best of all it's FREE!
I'll be in Athens Oct. 25 @ my old gym
meet me and see their new 12,250 ft^2 facility!
I know you were about to ask so the answer is yes Stockholm does have great Greek food
So like do this but better
#but our budget won't allow for pregnant prostitutes
I not gonna lie to you, *but only because I didn't care enough about your Opinion to bother
I've come to accept that in my life white shirts will be one use only
hows this for a new slogan: coffee so good it almost makes you forget what a futile narcissistic endeavor life is
Truth in advertiseing: makes morning suck less
I don't know you but great job that is that is what the
is all about. F those extra two rounds
Don't worry I don't waste money on doctors
Do it look infected hahah
Did I mention this yet? Oh 5 times well now it's 6
How am I just now realizing I can have my phone call me forrest fucking griffin.
I don't know where this card is going but let's get weird that's what I always say
Did I mention no cover cus there in no cover
This is what's happening sat
Weirdest thing about marriage? All the sober sex
I've noticed a trend of people w/ the tat "only god can judge" being judged guilty by judges
I admire Putins policy of doing what's best for Russia despite the Russians
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